The experience of pregnancy and birth is, I often find, impossible to describe. The magnitude of it can make descriptions sound clichéd and overly sentimental. But really the experience for me was “life changing” “awe-inspiring” and “incredibly moving”. Like nothing else in the world, I find that birth is a transformative experience, so huge and so powerful, taking a woman to her very core. Yet at the same time so simple, and something thousands of women do every day and have done for thousands of years, even though it's life changing, it’s also in some way, no big deal.
My emotions were strong in the days leading up to labour, I felt like my body and mind were being stretched really thin and was concerned mainly about how things were going to change for my eldest daughter as a new baby arrived. I was also exhausted from carrying a big baby. My stomach was enormous – I would cry or get angry really easily in those last few days.
On the morning of being 39 + 4 weeks pregnant and awoke early. Ruby spent the day with grandparents, so Rob (my partner) and I cleaned and tidied the house. We did a practice run of getting the birth pool out. Rob went through the instructions, and we got everything prepared, moved furniture out of the way and made sure we were ready for the real event. We then put it all away ready for my daughter's return home, as if she saw the pool, she would never have wanted to get out of it! Rob cooked a delicious healthy lunch, and then we lay down in bed to watch a film.
Suddenly, as I lay comfortably snuggled up next to Rob, oxytocin (the love hormone) flowing, I felt a pop or a clunk within my bump. It was 4pm. I jumped up and dashed to the loo, thinking my waters had gone suddenly, as they had done in my previous labour. But, in fact they hadn’t (they stayed intact until a contraction or two before the birth) so I still don’t fully understand what that sound and sensation was. But it doesn’t matter. To me, that sound was the start of my labour journey, like a shot being fired to mark the start of a race (a slow and gentle race!).
I began to feel contractions very low down in my bump. I felt excited that I was finally going to be able to live out all my plans for this birth, the whole time I’d been pregnant I was excited to see how the birth would unfold and now was the time. We carried on watching the film and I breathed through my contractions, they felt very mild, especially as I had been experiencing months of Braxton hicks so was used to regular tightenings. Ruby (my firstborn) came home, and we had dinner together. We told her the baby was coming soon, and so she could either have a sleep-over with her grandparents or stay at home but possibly move over to Nanny and Grandads during the night. She chose to go straight over for a sleepover. Rob’s dad drove to pick her up and wished us good luck. I remember him carrying Ruby to the car saying, “it’s exciting isn’t it” and it really was!
My heart broke a little bit at this point, knowing that the next time I saw Ruby things would be so different as our bond was so close. I sent all my love to her and hoped she and I would emerge well through this next chapter.
With Ruby taken care of, Rob started to set up the birth space for the second time that day and I ran a bath with a few drops of Clary Sage. It was finally time to relax and listen to my birth playlist - 101 of my favourite songs that I’d put together in the hope of them helping me stay in that ‘loved up’ oxytocin filled bubble… they did just that! As I lay in the bath, I thought back to the book spiritual midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. The book contains lots of birth stories, and I picked up on people talking of a ‘high’ or ‘psychedelic’ feeling during labour. As I lay in the tub listening to the music, I felt high. Like how music sounds better when you’ve had a drink, everything looked brighter and sounded better, I could feel myself energetically getting in the zone which to me meant that my hormones were building up beautifully letting labour progress nicely. After a couple of hours, I got hungry and really craved something baked and sugary. Rob made me some chocolate brownies, which were totally perfect!
When I was out of the water, I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. With Ruby’s birth, I felt contractions more in my back and so just wanted to be on all fours. This time, my contractions were front and very low - so leaning forward over my yoga ball or adopting any all four’s positions felt uncomfortable. My mind knew all fours was great for opening the pelvis and coping with discomfort, but my instincts just didn’t want that. My body wanted me to recline backwards, a position I would have thought I’d have wanted to avoid. But rather than let my mind control the situation, I went with my body. I tried to lie down on the bed and watch some more of our film, but suddenly things got more intense. This posture when out of the water was no good. I writhed around for a while and rocked back and forth on all fours. With things stepping up a gear, I decided to call the midwife.
At around 11 o’clock at night, I called triage. When I spoke to my midwife, Jackie, we agreed I would get straight into the birth pool and wait for her to arrive. Jackie got to us at about 11:30pm and set her things up. She got to know us and made it clear she was happy to let the birth progress, and sensitively she checked me over, all the stats for both me and baby were great.
We waited for a break in contractions to go upstairs for a vaginal examination (once again curiosity got the better of me as I had planned for no examinations!). I had an intense 10 minutes out of the water, I felt cold and without the water taking the weight off my body I was very uncomfortable. Lying down on my back to be checked was going against what my body wanted, so the pain cranked up dramatically. But Jackie could see I was 5 cm dilated with waters bulging but still intact. I got straight back into the pool and felt instant relief. Able to sit with my legs outstretched in front of me while I leaned back against the edge of the pool.
With each contraction I would close my eyes, breathe deeply and focus on relaxing all the muscles in my body. Letting myself go soft and limp. I used lots of horse breathing lips to release tension during the contractions whilst visualised my body gently opening up. With each contraction, I mentally moved towards the sensation, focusing on it and inviting my muscles to soften around the contraction, breathing deeply and remaining calm and centred. I was coping really well.
Jackie phoned the second midwife, Lucy because she said she thought things would progress quickly. I stayed in my zone, listened to my music and relaxed through each contraction. When Lucy arrived, I was in deep, riding through a contraction wave. They were coming very regularly now, each lasting a few minutes and coming thick and fast. I heard Rob say I was away with the fairies, which I took as a compliment, knowing I was fully immersed in my labour. When I got a break, I gave Lucy a smile and said hello. I wanted to keep the energy friendly and supportive in the room so wanted to welcome her to the space, my home.
Things carried on like this for a while longer then suddenly I felt a bearing down and had to move to an upright position, this contraction was intense, and I needed to vocalise the sensation so I made the deep birthing sounds women tend to. I knew this was the transitional phases of labour, and asked for some gas and air. Rob checked I was sure as with my first labour I didn’t like it, but I now I wanted something, mainly to keep me calm.
As I breathed in the Entinox I knew now more than ever I had to let my body take over, so I stayed soft and limp, breathing deeply and above all else making sure I didn’t push. I knew Nina was going to be big and wanted to avoid a tear. I leaned over the pool and Rob held onto me, rubbing my back and holding space for us. The midwives continued to be supportive, telling me I was doing amazingly, to make sure I kept my bottom submerged underwater and that everything was progressing beautifully. The encouragement and support of these three was so important to me. Nina’s labour was about stepping into my confidence and trusting my power as a woman. These three being there for support but not interfering helped that process. They respected me, and I respected my baby’s birth.
I felt like the head was out, but this was just the crowning, I remember feeling the “ring of fire” as the baby’s head pushed down. I thought about telling the others what I was feeling but decided I didn’t want to use any energy speaking which my body could use towards the birth. I felt Nina’s hair with my hand, floating in the water. Another contraction or two and Nina’s head was here. There was a pause as my body caught its breath, I stayed soft and relaxed, feeling the intensity of this transition as Nina and I rested before she moved through into our world.
At some point during this pause the clocks changed into British Summer Time (hence the middle name Summer). Then at 2:04am (would have been 1:04am if the clocks hadn’t changed) my body, without any active effort from me, pushed Nina down to earth. She was here, and she was perfect. We stayed in the pool, and she suckled while the blood from her placenta passed through to her. It took 14 minutes for the cord to stop pulsating, then Jackie and Lucy checked we were happy to clamp the cord. Rob cut the cord.
I got out of the water to birth the placenta and had a few more checks while Rob and Nina snuggled. Lucy weighed Nina, and she was a whopping 9lb 2oz and completely healthy. Rob helped me shower and get into bed while the midwives held Nina before bringing her up to us. They were both lovely to me, told us congratulations and then left to get some sleep. The birth of my Nina Rose Summer was simple, straight forward, sweet and calm. All I feel is happiness, pride and love when I think of that night. I’m so grateful I have this feeling of strength at the start of being mama to two.
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